Doctor Pon hasn't slept for over a month.
This is because he has had terrible nightmares; one about being attacked by a never-ending army of zombie-soldiers armed with bowie knifes, and one about playing football against a team of infants and yet being unable to run whenever he gets the ball.
But the reason Doctor Pon hasn't slept is not the dreams themselves. It is actually because he passed a billboard of a construction company which advertised: "We build your dreams".
Now obviously Doctor Pon doesn't want those dreams mentioned built, so he has to stay awake so that the construction workers don't find out what his dreams are.
However, the dream about being an elephant that lives on the moon and eats nothing but dairy milk was good, so maybe going to sleep is worth the risk...
Sunday, 21 February 2010
Sunday, 20 December 2009
Because it's happy funny time, Doctor Pon has decided to take a break from the usual heavy-weight analysis, and have a laugh.
Today's joke:
Q) What's the difference between a hippopotamus and a helicopter?
A) A hippopotamus is a large, semi-aquatic animal, but a helicopter is a machine capable of flying!
Today's joke:
Q) What's the difference between a hippopotamus and a helicopter?
A) A hippopotamus is a large, semi-aquatic animal, but a helicopter is a machine capable of flying!
Friday, 18 December 2009
Doctor Pon's Guide to Christmas
Doctor Pon is going to explode some Christmas myths.
Everybody thinks that Jesus was born in Bethlehem. However, Jesus was actually born in Dunstable.
Was his name really Jesus?
Probably not. More likely, the saviour of mankind's real name was Wayne.
The evidence for this comes from a popular hymn:
A Wayne in a manager / No crib for a bed.
Is there a historical basis for the belief in Jesus?
Ummm....
Why not attend the Alpha Course to find out?
Everybody thinks that Jesus was born in Bethlehem. However, Jesus was actually born in Dunstable.
Was his name really Jesus?
Probably not. More likely, the saviour of mankind's real name was Wayne.
The evidence for this comes from a popular hymn:
A Wayne in a manager / No crib for a bed.
Is there a historical basis for the belief in Jesus?
Ummm....
Why not attend the Alpha Course to find out?
Thursday, 26 November 2009
Obituary - Samak Sundaravej
Samak Sundaravej, briefly Prime Minister of Thailand and leader of the People Power Party, died on 24th November 2009.
Samak was best known for his sharp tongue and love of cooking, but he also had an exceptional memory. It was exceptional because he was able to recall events in a way completely contrary to how they actually happened.
The obituary published in the Bangkok Post was shameful for its lack of courage, so here's a much better one:
http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2009/nov/25/samak-sundaravej-obituary
You could mourn Samak, or you could be thankful that there's one less far-right cunt in the world.
Samak was best known for his sharp tongue and love of cooking, but he also had an exceptional memory. It was exceptional because he was able to recall events in a way completely contrary to how they actually happened.
The obituary published in the Bangkok Post was shameful for its lack of courage, so here's a much better one:
http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2009/nov/25/samak-sundaravej-obituary
You could mourn Samak, or you could be thankful that there's one less far-right cunt in the world.
Friday, 30 October 2009
Doctor Pon's Guide to Sleeping with Prostitutes
A friend asked Doctor Pon for advice about sleeping with prostitutes.
He started by saying: "Doctor Pon, I trust you, you're not wrong, you're Doctor Pon", as this is the manner in which Doctor Pon should always be addressed. He then continued with his question:
"Is it ok to sleep with prostitutes?"
Think for a minute about your own answer.
It will no doubt be affected by myriad factors, for example:
- place of birth
- gender
- education
- whether you can afford it
But try to think objectively. Laws on sleeping with prostitutes vary from country to country.
In some countries, sleeping with prostitutes is legal, as long as certain working conditions are met.
In other countries, sleeping with prostitutes is technically illegal, but tolerated.
In some countries, sleeping with prostitutes is illegal and not tolerated.
In other countries, sleeping with prostitutes is illegal and is corrupting the nation's youth, and is a foreign import, and never existed before the Vietnam war, and politicians and senior police are doing everything they can to make sure that all brothels are closed down by visiting them regularly (presumably on undercover missions).
So, Doctor Pon says that you should know the law. He can't comment on individual morality, but would like to give this final piece of advice:
You shouldn't sleep with prostitutes. It would be better value for money if you have sex with them instead.
He started by saying: "Doctor Pon, I trust you, you're not wrong, you're Doctor Pon", as this is the manner in which Doctor Pon should always be addressed. He then continued with his question:
"Is it ok to sleep with prostitutes?"
Think for a minute about your own answer.
It will no doubt be affected by myriad factors, for example:
- place of birth
- gender
- education
- whether you can afford it
But try to think objectively. Laws on sleeping with prostitutes vary from country to country.
In some countries, sleeping with prostitutes is legal, as long as certain working conditions are met.
In other countries, sleeping with prostitutes is technically illegal, but tolerated.
In some countries, sleeping with prostitutes is illegal and not tolerated.
In other countries, sleeping with prostitutes is illegal and is corrupting the nation's youth, and is a foreign import, and never existed before the Vietnam war, and politicians and senior police are doing everything they can to make sure that all brothels are closed down by visiting them regularly (presumably on undercover missions).
So, Doctor Pon says that you should know the law. He can't comment on individual morality, but would like to give this final piece of advice:
You shouldn't sleep with prostitutes. It would be better value for money if you have sex with them instead.
Tuesday, 20 October 2009
Doctor Pon's Strange Dreams
Doctor Pon has recently been suffering from sleepless nights. Luckily he sleeps all day at work.
During one of these sleepless nights, he had a great idea for a really funny article.
Unfortunately, he has forgotten what it was.
So you'll have to wait a bit longer for something funny.
During one of these sleepless nights, he had a great idea for a really funny article.
Unfortunately, he has forgotten what it was.
So you'll have to wait a bit longer for something funny.
Tuesday, 8 September 2009
Bum Games
Doctor Pon understands tech-nol-o-gy very well, and even has his own Face book page (one page does not really constitute a book, so Doctor Pon calls it his Face page)
While looking at his Face page Doctor Pon received an odd request from someone:
Hi Doc Pon,
My name's Jenni. I'm a hot 22 year old from Miami. Wanna play bum games with me?
Check out my website:
(address removed on advice of boring lawyer from boring USA because of boring legal issues)
Doctor Pon contacted Jenni with the following reply.
Dear Jenni,
Thank you for contacting me.
I am interested in playing the aforementioned 'bum games' with you as it may be an interesting socio-economic experiment.
From casual observation only, I would suggest that in England, the homeless ('bums') rarely seem to play games at all, so I don't really know what the rules of a 'bum' game might be.
Does fighting count as a game? If so, I have in fact seen a few bum games taking place, but never participated.
If this is the bum game you wish to play, I don't think it would be fair, as aside from being the most cleverest man what I know, I also use to box during my time at Oxford.
I was quite the rough customer, I can tell you.
As you a young female who evidently suffers from the the effects of the heat in Miami (or else why would you be hot?), I don't think it would be a fair bout.
I wonder, are you yourself homeless?
If so, perhaps you would be better off saving money to stay in a shelter, rather than spending time and money maintaining a website and inviting a Doctor from England to come to play bum games with you.
Incidentally, I looked at the website and I think you must have sent me the wrong link, as it was all pornography. There was nothing about recreational activities amongst the homeless at all.
I look forward to your reply,
Doctor Pon
So far, Doctor Pon has received no reply, but he has been contacted by an African prince who has had to flee his country, and has carefully selected Doctor Pon to look after several million dollars for him until his case is heard at the International Court of Human Rights. After this, the money will be shared 60-40. If it was 50-50, Doctor Pon would be suspicious of a scam, but 60-40 seems reasonable.
While looking at his Face page Doctor Pon received an odd request from someone:
Hi Doc Pon,
My name's Jenni. I'm a hot 22 year old from Miami. Wanna play bum games with me?
Check out my website:
(address removed on advice of boring lawyer from boring USA because of boring legal issues)
Doctor Pon contacted Jenni with the following reply.
Dear Jenni,
Thank you for contacting me.
I am interested in playing the aforementioned 'bum games' with you as it may be an interesting socio-economic experiment.
From casual observation only, I would suggest that in England, the homeless ('bums') rarely seem to play games at all, so I don't really know what the rules of a 'bum' game might be.
Does fighting count as a game? If so, I have in fact seen a few bum games taking place, but never participated.
If this is the bum game you wish to play, I don't think it would be fair, as aside from being the most cleverest man what I know, I also use to box during my time at Oxford.
I was quite the rough customer, I can tell you.
As you a young female who evidently suffers from the the effects of the heat in Miami (or else why would you be hot?), I don't think it would be a fair bout.
I wonder, are you yourself homeless?
If so, perhaps you would be better off saving money to stay in a shelter, rather than spending time and money maintaining a website and inviting a Doctor from England to come to play bum games with you.
Incidentally, I looked at the website and I think you must have sent me the wrong link, as it was all pornography. There was nothing about recreational activities amongst the homeless at all.
I look forward to your reply,
Doctor Pon
So far, Doctor Pon has received no reply, but he has been contacted by an African prince who has had to flee his country, and has carefully selected Doctor Pon to look after several million dollars for him until his case is heard at the International Court of Human Rights. After this, the money will be shared 60-40. If it was 50-50, Doctor Pon would be suspicious of a scam, but 60-40 seems reasonable.
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