All Pope do is front and lie.
Pope say he God's representative on earth and he infallible.
Jay: Hey Pope, you God's representative on earth and you infallible?
Pope: Yeah baby.
Jay: Pope Benedict?
Pope: Pope Benedict.
Jay: Pope Benedict the sixteenth, from the Holy See, that say mass in the crypt?
Pope: Pope Benedict the sixteenth, from the Holy See, that say mass in the crypt.
Jay: Pope Benedict the sixteenth, from the Holy See, that say mass in the crypt, who's infallible?
Pope: Pope Benedict the sixteenth, from the Holy See, that say mass in the crypt. I be infallible.
Jay: Then how come you don't be knowing about all them paedo priests?
Pope: I'm not that Pope Benedict the sixteenth, from the Holy See, that say mass in the
crypt, I'm the other Pope Benedict the sixteenth, from the Holy See, that say mass in the crypt.
Jay: Nigga, you the only one!
Pope: I got a cousin or some shit like that.
Wednesday, 7 April 2010
Friday, 19 March 2010
List of Toss-pots
One of Doctor Pon's friends working at the University of (EDIT) __________ has compiled a list of people who are ranked at least toss-pots.
The research had a sample size of 14,392 and was carried out by surveying UK citizens over the age of 18. Participants were asked to rate 50 people on a 9 point scale:
1 - Sound
2 - Safe
3 - Steady
4 - Alright
5 - Pixie
6 - Nimrod
7 - Drongo
8 - Toss pot
9 - Massive bell-end
Below is part of the list of people who scored 8 or 9, reproduced in an entirely arbitrary order.
Ann Widdecombe
The Pope
Tony Blair
Cherie Blair
Sarah Palin
Marlo Lewis Jr.
David Cameron
Cows
All future re-incarnations of David Cameron
The Pope again
George Bush (obviously)
Charles Moore
Ebeneezer Scrooge
Ebeneezer Goode
Piers Morgan
Most of the staff at the Daily Mail and Daily Express
Quite a lot of the staff at the Sun (but certainly not Kelly, 19, from Brighton)
These results won't surprise many people.
Ranked 1 or 2 (Sound or Safe) were only three people:
Dr Evan Harris
The ghost of Sir Ludovic Kennedy
Lassie
Christopher Hitchens was rated pixie, which is street slang for 'no strong opinions one way or the other'. In fact, there were very strong opinions, but the average rank was pixie.
No-one was ranked drongo, possibly because no-one was really sure what it meant. General opinion was that it was worse than nimrod, but not as bad as toss-pot.
This results of this study will be published in full in the journal Nature under the title :
Methylphenidate facilitates learning-induced amygdala plasticity
Apologies to Kay M Tye, Lynne D Tye, Jackson J Cone, Evelien F Hekkelman, Patricia H Janak & Antonello Bonci
The research had a sample size of 14,392 and was carried out by surveying UK citizens over the age of 18. Participants were asked to rate 50 people on a 9 point scale:
1 - Sound
2 - Safe
3 - Steady
4 - Alright
5 - Pixie
6 - Nimrod
7 - Drongo
8 - Toss pot
9 - Massive bell-end
Below is part of the list of people who scored 8 or 9, reproduced in an entirely arbitrary order.
Ann Widdecombe
The Pope
Tony Blair
Cherie Blair
Sarah Palin
Marlo Lewis Jr.
David Cameron
Cows
All future re-incarnations of David Cameron
The Pope again
George Bush (obviously)
Charles Moore
Ebeneezer Scrooge
Ebeneezer Goode
Piers Morgan
Most of the staff at the Daily Mail and Daily Express
Quite a lot of the staff at the Sun (but certainly not Kelly, 19, from Brighton)
These results won't surprise many people.
Ranked 1 or 2 (Sound or Safe) were only three people:
Dr Evan Harris
The ghost of Sir Ludovic Kennedy
Lassie
Christopher Hitchens was rated pixie, which is street slang for 'no strong opinions one way or the other'. In fact, there were very strong opinions, but the average rank was pixie.
No-one was ranked drongo, possibly because no-one was really sure what it meant. General opinion was that it was worse than nimrod, but not as bad as toss-pot.
This results of this study will be published in full in the journal Nature under the title :
Methylphenidate facilitates learning-induced amygdala plasticity
(or something similar, or entirely unrelated, or not published at all)
Apologies to Kay M Tye, Lynne D Tye, Jackson J Cone, Evelien F Hekkelman, Patricia H Janak & Antonello Bonci
Sunday, 21 February 2010
Can dreams come true?
Doctor Pon hasn't slept for over a month.
This is because he has had terrible nightmares; one about being attacked by a never-ending army of zombie-soldiers armed with bowie knifes, and one about playing football against a team of infants and yet being unable to run whenever he gets the ball.
But the reason Doctor Pon hasn't slept is not the dreams themselves. It is actually because he passed a billboard of a construction company which advertised: "We build your dreams".
Now obviously Doctor Pon doesn't want those dreams mentioned built, so he has to stay awake so that the construction workers don't find out what his dreams are.
However, the dream about being an elephant that lives on the moon and eats nothing but dairy milk was good, so maybe going to sleep is worth the risk...
This is because he has had terrible nightmares; one about being attacked by a never-ending army of zombie-soldiers armed with bowie knifes, and one about playing football against a team of infants and yet being unable to run whenever he gets the ball.
But the reason Doctor Pon hasn't slept is not the dreams themselves. It is actually because he passed a billboard of a construction company which advertised: "We build your dreams".
Now obviously Doctor Pon doesn't want those dreams mentioned built, so he has to stay awake so that the construction workers don't find out what his dreams are.
However, the dream about being an elephant that lives on the moon and eats nothing but dairy milk was good, so maybe going to sleep is worth the risk...
Sunday, 20 December 2009
Because it's happy funny time, Doctor Pon has decided to take a break from the usual heavy-weight analysis, and have a laugh.
Today's joke:
Q) What's the difference between a hippopotamus and a helicopter?
A) A hippopotamus is a large, semi-aquatic animal, but a helicopter is a machine capable of flying!
Today's joke:
Q) What's the difference between a hippopotamus and a helicopter?
A) A hippopotamus is a large, semi-aquatic animal, but a helicopter is a machine capable of flying!
Friday, 18 December 2009
Doctor Pon's Guide to Christmas
Doctor Pon is going to explode some Christmas myths.
Everybody thinks that Jesus was born in Bethlehem. However, Jesus was actually born in Dunstable.
Was his name really Jesus?
Probably not. More likely, the saviour of mankind's real name was Wayne.
The evidence for this comes from a popular hymn:
A Wayne in a manager / No crib for a bed.
Is there a historical basis for the belief in Jesus?
Ummm....
Why not attend the Alpha Course to find out?
Everybody thinks that Jesus was born in Bethlehem. However, Jesus was actually born in Dunstable.
Was his name really Jesus?
Probably not. More likely, the saviour of mankind's real name was Wayne.
The evidence for this comes from a popular hymn:
A Wayne in a manager / No crib for a bed.
Is there a historical basis for the belief in Jesus?
Ummm....
Why not attend the Alpha Course to find out?
Thursday, 26 November 2009
Obituary - Samak Sundaravej
Samak Sundaravej, briefly Prime Minister of Thailand and leader of the People Power Party, died on 24th November 2009.
Samak was best known for his sharp tongue and love of cooking, but he also had an exceptional memory. It was exceptional because he was able to recall events in a way completely contrary to how they actually happened.
The obituary published in the Bangkok Post was shameful for its lack of courage, so here's a much better one:
http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2009/nov/25/samak-sundaravej-obituary
You could mourn Samak, or you could be thankful that there's one less far-right cunt in the world.
Samak was best known for his sharp tongue and love of cooking, but he also had an exceptional memory. It was exceptional because he was able to recall events in a way completely contrary to how they actually happened.
The obituary published in the Bangkok Post was shameful for its lack of courage, so here's a much better one:
http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2009/nov/25/samak-sundaravej-obituary
You could mourn Samak, or you could be thankful that there's one less far-right cunt in the world.
Friday, 30 October 2009
Doctor Pon's Guide to Sleeping with Prostitutes
A friend asked Doctor Pon for advice about sleeping with prostitutes.
He started by saying: "Doctor Pon, I trust you, you're not wrong, you're Doctor Pon", as this is the manner in which Doctor Pon should always be addressed. He then continued with his question:
"Is it ok to sleep with prostitutes?"
Think for a minute about your own answer.
It will no doubt be affected by myriad factors, for example:
- place of birth
- gender
- education
- whether you can afford it
But try to think objectively. Laws on sleeping with prostitutes vary from country to country.
In some countries, sleeping with prostitutes is legal, as long as certain working conditions are met.
In other countries, sleeping with prostitutes is technically illegal, but tolerated.
In some countries, sleeping with prostitutes is illegal and not tolerated.
In other countries, sleeping with prostitutes is illegal and is corrupting the nation's youth, and is a foreign import, and never existed before the Vietnam war, and politicians and senior police are doing everything they can to make sure that all brothels are closed down by visiting them regularly (presumably on undercover missions).
So, Doctor Pon says that you should know the law. He can't comment on individual morality, but would like to give this final piece of advice:
You shouldn't sleep with prostitutes. It would be better value for money if you have sex with them instead.
He started by saying: "Doctor Pon, I trust you, you're not wrong, you're Doctor Pon", as this is the manner in which Doctor Pon should always be addressed. He then continued with his question:
"Is it ok to sleep with prostitutes?"
Think for a minute about your own answer.
It will no doubt be affected by myriad factors, for example:
- place of birth
- gender
- education
- whether you can afford it
But try to think objectively. Laws on sleeping with prostitutes vary from country to country.
In some countries, sleeping with prostitutes is legal, as long as certain working conditions are met.
In other countries, sleeping with prostitutes is technically illegal, but tolerated.
In some countries, sleeping with prostitutes is illegal and not tolerated.
In other countries, sleeping with prostitutes is illegal and is corrupting the nation's youth, and is a foreign import, and never existed before the Vietnam war, and politicians and senior police are doing everything they can to make sure that all brothels are closed down by visiting them regularly (presumably on undercover missions).
So, Doctor Pon says that you should know the law. He can't comment on individual morality, but would like to give this final piece of advice:
You shouldn't sleep with prostitutes. It would be better value for money if you have sex with them instead.
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