How to mafia up your tea

Everyone loves a cup of tea. That's a fact, and it has been proven by science.

But sometimes you need to mafia it up a bit, and here's how to do it:

First go to a south London cafe that really should have been closed down by food hygiene inspectors years ago.

Walk in and say loudly: "Mornin' everyone" (say this at any time of day)

Greet the waiter/waitress with "Alright Eddie?"

A good waiter/waitress will respond with "Mustn't grumble, do I?" or "What? On my wages?" or something equally nonsensical.

Then the conversation should go something like this:

Eddie: "What you having then Phil? Usual is it?"
You: "Yes please Eddie."
Eddie: "Oh. ... What's that then?"
You: "Tell you what, I'll just have a cup of tea please. No sugar."

When the tea comes, loudly ask if there is any sugar in it. The answer should be no.

Later, loudly say: "I don't like sugar in my tea"

Then, put some sugar in your tea, loudly saying: "I'm putting sugar in my tea, even though I don't like it."

Repeat this step until your tea is mafia-ed up enough for you.

Repeat the whole process everyday, until you're recognised as a person who likes to mafia up their tea.