Thursday, 1 July 2010

Red vs Yellow Shirts

Doctor Pon sometimes lives in Amazing Thailand, but recently has been living in A-crazy-ing Thailand!!! (Ed: That pun is ace. Send it to Have I Got News For You).
CNN and the BBC have both received much criticism from local academics and local knob-ends alike for over-simplifying (BBC) and over-simplificationizing (CNN) the situation in their reports.
Doctor Pon agrees that both BBC and CNN should be ashamed, because their understanding of the real situation was woefully inadequate.
To try to address the balance, here am what Doctor Pon say:

Red Shirts:

Who are they? - Loose alliance of Manchester United and Liverpool fans. The alliance exists because in Thailand it's possible to claim to support one team, then just change teams when another team does better.

Why are they angry? - Both Liverpool and Manchester United refused to do a pre-season tour of Thailand unless certain conditions were met. Most conditions were met, but the stipulations that

"all players must acknowledge that Thailand is a peaceful society, and no disagreement exists between any Thais at all. If it does, then they aren't Thai. Or they are, but they're Communist or Muslim, which means they aren't Thai. Or they're dark-skinned."


"Western players and fans will be charged up to 10 times more than Thais for the price for a ticket. This does not apply to the richest Thais, who while most able to pay, will pay nothing at all, and will be given the best seats. "

were contentious.

While the stipulations that

"look like the many fans come because Thailand is very nice and beach and mountain but oohhh very hot sometime number 1! Where you go? I have taxi, lady massage very good good price"


"players must to funny about the football and don't serious"

could not be understood.

The red-shirts claim that Newcastle-born and Oxford-educated PM Abhisit Vejjajiva inserted these clauses himself, intentionally sabotaging the tour, and point to the fact that the grasp of idiomatic English is so precise, that it must have been written by a highly educated Thai.

Abhisit's response was to say: "Haddaway and shite man! All this clarting aboot like a bunch of chavvas. I divvent do no such thing! I cannae understand it man. It's like a spelk in ma cock."

Further comment came from (ED: Two paragraphs had to be removed because they may have meant a court case if anyone had made a complaint. You know the one. That complaint that anyone can make, without justification or evidence, and the police have to investigate it. That one. However, search Google cache, and you might still find it, but don't tell the government or police IT people if you do).

Yellow Shirts:

Who is he? : Sondhi Madeupsurnamesoidontgetshotakul, an angry Crystal Palace supporter from 1977-1980 for away games only, who resented the True tv provider for their shit coverage of all football games, and their announcement that they would only show world cup games with Thai commentary. Sondhi's knowledge was prophetic, and irrational.

Why was he angry? : I've just written the answer above.

What did he do? : Sondhi was a bit of a scamp, and got together with a few of his mates to get up to a bit of mischief, like invading Suwanapoom airport.

Black shirts:

Who they?: Angry referees who like grenades and arson. Don't suggest they are actually red shirts though or you'll be sent off.

So that's all you need to know about Thailand. Why not look for Doctor Pon's name on letters to The Nation? You'll find several, because The Nation prints any old shit, but in BIG LETTERS and with random colours.