Sunday, 7 June 2009

Double negatives

"In English a double negative forms a positive.

I haven't got no money = I have some money

In some languages, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative.

However, there is no language wherein a double positive can form a negative."

Yeah, right.

MPs Expenses - What's the fuss?

People are understandably annoyed about British MPs abusing the spirit of the law by claiming for all sorts of unnecessary expenses.

Doctor Pon's not really that bothered though, because he doesn't pay tax in Britain. But he is slightly annoyed that he didn't think of becoming an MP to take advantage of it himself. Too late now.

Frankly, tax-paying Brits should be grateful. At least British MPs pretend that they are sorry and offer to repay the money.
In one medium sized Asian country (which rhymes with Pie-land) politicians usually treat becoming a law-maker as a right to steal.

Doctor Pon is sorry that this isn't particularly funny. It is true though.

Edit: Members of Parliament - MPs or MsP?
and for that matter GCsSE too.

Friday, 5 June 2009

Doctor Pon's first piece of hate mail

Doctor Pon has recently started a Facebook account.

For those of you who don't know what a Facebook is, it's a massive book full of human faces. You open an account, and when you die your face is physically removed and added to this book.

You have to invite friends to join so that they can verify that you are not dead.

Someone told Doctor Pon that Facebook is a film where John Travolta becomes Nicholas Cage, but that doesn't sound very likely. He might have been thinking of Saturday Night Fever, where John Travolta becomes a dancer.

Using his Facebook account, Doctor Pon thought it would be funny to invite not only his friend (who sometimes uses the pseudonyms Phat Millips or Red Matt) but also everyone else that he could find with the same name.

After about 4 requests, Doctor Pon got bored. However he was amused by the various captcha phrases which apperead, one of which was "Vietnam Hat".

Later on Doctor Pon tried again with a different name, adding a witty comment on each request.
One comment said "You look much bigger than you did at college. And didn't you used to be white? Perhaps you're a different Alex Dale from the one I knew" (name not changed to conceal identity)

Now not everyone realises that Doctor Pon is a cheeky scamp who loves nothing than a bit of mischief, and so the next day Doctor Pon recieved this reply:


Doctor Pon assumes he meant Fuck off.
And if so, it probably is the same person Doctor Pon knew from college.

If this article amused you, why not post a libelous comment?

Monday, 1 June 2009

Interview with Richard Dawkins

This interview was carried out on the 29th May, via telephone.
It has taken Doctor Pon a while to type it, because he is lazy.
Some content has been edited to ensure Doctor Pon doesn't get in trouble with his girlfriend, his wife, or receive letters from various solicitors or Christopher Hitchens.

Richard Dawkins (RD): Hello?

Doctor Pon (DP): Hello, am I speaking to Richard Dawkins?

(RD): Ummm, no actually. Can't you tell from my voice? I'm obviously female. And can't you tell from the phone book entry on your mobile? The one that says ********, we were just talking about this. Is our whole relationship based on lies and ignorance?

(DP): No petal... Well, some of it may be. But you know I'm not very good at using a phone.

(not RD): Ask John to help. Is he there?

(DP): Yeah, he is. See you tonight then.

(not RD): Bye.

Second phone call

(RD): Yo, who dis is? Who dis?

(DP): It's yo' boy DP. Keepin' it real since back in the day. (continues like this for ages. Far too much to type)

(DP): So, would you challenge God to a fight?

(RD): I'm not a violent person really.

(DP): Could you beat Christopher Hitchens in an arm wrestle?

(RD): I think so, but only becuase he is always smoking. I would take advantage of addictive habit to distract him, or wait until he's out of breath.

(DP): Daniel Denett has got a great beard.

(RD): Yes. That's not really a question is it though Doctor?

(DP): OK, I'll rephrase it. Do you think Daniel Denett has got a great beard?

(RD): Fuck yeah!

(DP): Is God great?

(RD): Well, He's alright really. I just wrote those books as a bit of a laugh, just a bit of an in-joke between me, the Father and JC.

(DP): How about Vishnu?

(RD) Never met him.

The rest of this article has been cut for being libelous. Again.