Saturday, 29 August 2009

Three types of people

There are three types of people in this world;

those who can count

and those who can't.

Saturday, 22 August 2009

Is Christopher Hitchens better than Jesus (at writing books about why God isn't great)?

Skinhead thug Christopher Hitchens has announced follow-up books to his best-selling "God is not Great"*

This is because Hitchens, 84, is dismayed by the impact religion has on the world, and wants "to wake the believers up to smell the shit that is the real world"

"Religion is bollocks. Absolute, weapons-grade hide-it-and-send-in-Doctor-Hans-Blix-to-find-it bollocks. I hate religion.

God gets right on my tits. I haven't got tits, but it's a phrase, innit? So I want all the Christmases, Islams, Budhas, Hindoos to know that I don't agree with them.

People say I've got no respect - that's not true. I respect logic, reason and Scientology. Scientology's not a religion you see, it's fact.

I've said before that religion poisons everything; it's worse than beetroot. Religion turns your lettuce red and tastes a bit like potato boiled in acidic piss."

Hitchens revealed these words to Doctor Pon in a dream.

His books will be published in three parts.

Part 01 - God made a shit world full of shit people
(to be published in America as God did a fine job making the world, and the USA kicks ass! )

Part 02 - What a massive cult! : How religion has spread throughout the ages

Part 03 - Atheists are losers ... only joking, they're great (but God isn't, and Mother Theresa wasn't)

When asked for his opinion on Hitchens' work, respected literary critic, Buddha, said:
"Well, I may not agree with what he says, but he is very eloquent.

Because of this I shall buy his book, but when I go to the book shop I shall not go to town via the Kettering Road on the east side, nor Abington Road on the west side.

I shall take the Wellingborough Road, for it is the middle way."

*Doctor Pon's close friend, Nasir, insists that Christopher Hitchens is wrong and actually, God is great

Friday, 21 August 2009

Mad Paedo Update - Will the complaints ever stop?

Doctor Pon may have some controversial opinions. In fact, he has, they are well documented and you can even see some of them in the post below.

But Doctor Pon didn't mention his views on taxing the unemployed, expanding airports, subsidising petrol for SUV drivers, cooking penguins or why the Daily Mail is the only newspaper you can trust.

If he had, there is a better than 65% chance that your head would have literally exploded.
Doctor Pon is a doctor, therefore his opinion is worth more than yours (unless you are a doctor too, then it's worth the same. Your opinion is worth twice as much if you have two doctorates, but not if they are honourary. If an honourary doctorate can be given to anyone, then what's the value? You might as well just call yourself doctor. See Ian Paisley or Gillian MacKeith for details)

Mad Paedo Whiteboy Wacko Hee-hee Jackson also had many controversial opinions, as did his namesake, superstar Michael Jackson. Doctor Pon's opinions on the latter seem to have caused much ire, constanation and gnashing of teeth.

Doctor Pon said "Michael Jackson wasn't a mad paedo".
This was listed as a controversial opinion, implying that everybody else thought that Michael Jackson was a mad paedo (at least thought it when he was alive.)
This was intended as satire, and a dig at all the hypocrites whose opinions of the man changed suddenly when he died (see all newspapers).

Doctor Pon apologises for any confusion caused, and apologises again to all those people who misunderstood.

To clear things up, once and for all:
obviously, Michael Jackson was a mad paedo.

Friday, 14 August 2009

Was Michael Jackson a mad paedo? - The Response

Recently Doctor Pon left a link on a Michael Jackson fan website. It linked to Doctor Pon's Controversial Opinions. The heading was Was Jacko a mad paedo? - You decide.

Here are some of Doctor Pon's favourite comments taken from those sent to the website:

Ure a mad paedo not michael

Why can't you leave us to mourn our hero you imature man?

Michael wasn't a pediatrician, no matter what the papers said.

noone will be a better dance and sing like michael did he was a real hero not like some of those so called superstars wannabes more like michael jackson 4 ever

Who's bad? You are, you twat.

Michael may have had many problems, but let us not judge a man on his faults but on his achievements. For me at least he will be forever an innocent man-child.

man in the mirroe scared me as a child i thought it was about gosts. i don't like gosts but i seen one once in my beddroom i wish the gost of michael jackson would come back and haunt all those people who hated him and they are all jaealous becuase they cant moonwalk

I thought he was overrated, and frankly, everyone dies.

paedo or not, hes dead now

Wednesday, 5 August 2009

Doctor Pon's Controversial Opinions

1) Michael Jackson wasn't a mad paedo.

2) The Catholic Church, and especially the Pope, have some really good ideas.

3) Taxi drivers in Bangkok who are willing to take you for a fixed rate and not turn on the meter are doing you a really big favour.

4) Starburst is a better name than Opal Fruits.

5) Scientology isn't a cult.

6) Star Wars is rubbish, except the new ones which are really good.

7) Environmentalism is over-rated.

8) If global warming exists, why is my fridge still cold?
(Doctor Pon acknowledges that this is not an opinion as such, but perhaps you could read it as a rhetorical question, and try to find the implied meaning)

9) Breaking News! The Nation actually is a really good newspaper, because of the randomly coloured words in headlines.

10) Language change should be resisted.

Would you like to comment on Doctor Pon's controversial opinions. Doctor Pon welcomes your comments if you agree with him, if you don't, he'll probably abuse his power as web-master, master of the web, to delete what you have written. Then you can kiss his chuddies and jog on.