Wednesday, 17 August 2011

Riots and Looting

Jeff Savage writes:

Obviously rioting and looting is a laugh. It goes without saying that arson is too. But not when it happens in my home town! which is London or Kent or something.

(Doctor Pon adds: I saw some kids running down the street with stolen boxes of korma, jalfrezei, and vindaloo. I think they misunderstood when I said that some people were robbing Curry's)

So, it's the tories, yeah? They want to reform the NHS? You couldn't make it up! Reform it? They ought to burn the fucker down.

Dave Cameron? You couldn't make him up! He needs reforming. But his wife is another story, I'd happily reform her, and maybe a bit of arse-on wouldn't go amiss.

And Clegg wants to give free palaces to Muslim lesbian immigrants with the right to impose sharia law based on fiqh on their own land and 4.5 hectares surrounding it? You couldn't make it up!

So that's what caused the riots. And this is definitely true and I support or oppose them 100%.

Bring back hanging. It's too good for them.
Actually, no need to bring back hanging, as it's too good for them.

Now I'm going to loot Amazon by smashing my computer screen with a brick. So long fuckers!

Monday, 8 August 2011

Doctor Pon's guide to the economy

There has been a lot of talk about an inescapable world-wide depression lately. It seems a bit unlikely to me. Fair enough, we all get a bit down sometimes, but a world-wide depression? You couldn't make it up! Although, someone obviously has.

Anyway, there has been so much talk of economonys on the news recently, that one excellent blogger has labelled it "economy-porn". Therefore, here are some words you should know:

(the) Eurozone - where Frenchwomen loved to be touched

Double-dip - something to do in the Eurozone

Bounce-back - a last resort activity with a willing Frenchman if there are no willing Frenchwomen available

AAA rating - really soft XXX film

Quantitative easing - the effect a strong cup of coffee has when combined with a fried breakfast and a cigarette

Toxic loans - suppose your mate lends you some money, and you use it to buy a can of Special Brew. That's a toxic loan.

Keynesian endpoint - something he was very proud of

Tax - another word for pins

Debt ceiling - a roof made entirely from things that other people have lent you, and you're obliged to return

Interest rate - giving a grade out of ten for something that you paid attention to, probably on Facebook

Cash cow - the female equivalent of a cheque bull

GDP - Gross domestic products. In the case of Scotland, that's things like haggis and blood pudding.

Greenbacks - A type of frog

Tenner - the highest male voice within the modal register

Now that I have published the bestest A-Z of economic terms, I probably won't have time to write for this blog often, as I'm sure to be offered a job at The Economist. Probably editor.
So, all of you losers can kiss my lagrangian multiplier.