Thursday, 30 July 2009

Scientology - The world's best religion?


Doctor Pon received a lot of e-mails asking to immediately desist from making further comment about Scientology, and to remove existing articles the may defame, or face legal action.

Doctor Pon was willing to go to court to fight his case, but it turns out he had spent several years training to be a barista, not a barrister, and therefore his knowledge of the laws of libel is quite limited and he is unlikely to be able to give a competent defence in court.

So, being as defiant as most British newspapers when it came to reprinted cartoons of Mohammed, Doctor Pon has complied.

An edited version of an earlier article is reprinted beneath with a few amendments.

Doctor Pon has not received any recent threats from the estate of Michael Jackson though, so expect more disrespectful articles about him soon!


Doctor Pon is a doctor. FACT.
Doctor Pon doesn't lie. FACT
Doctor Pon wouldn't tell lies, or even make stuff up, just for his own amusement or personal benefit. FACT.

And NO-ONE can accuse Doctor Pon of being

All this talk about Doctor Pon not even existing in a physical state, and just being a creation of a strange mind, should cease immediately.

Doctor Pon is as real as

(If you don't believe Doctor Pon isn't , or vice versa, why not go to , where you will meet them both. They used to be friends, but lost touch after , and all Doctor Pon wanted to do was wait for the invention of the internet so he could write a blog.)

P.S. In answer to the question in the title,

P.P.S. If you're wondering where Doctor Pon's authority to write about

Friday, 24 July 2009

More things to do if you have a job that meets these increaingly unlikely criteria

Assuming that you've done everything suggested in the post below, you may want to develop your career.

Here's how you do it.

Tell your supervisor, Lorraine, that you think too many people are mixing business with pleasure, if you know what I mean, and there should be strict rules governing workplace relationships.

Demand a strict company policy on workplace relationships, and make a fuss until one is written and announced. It should say that any kind of romantic or sexual relationship within the workplace is absolutely forbidden.

Once the policy has been written and announced, hire an assistant called Deidre.

Invite Deidre on several romantic dates during work time, until warned not to by your boss, Lorraine. Make sure everybody knows that Lorraine is the reason why you can't have a relationship with Deidre.

Wait several years until Lorraine leaves the company, or retires.

Sing joyfully "I can see Deidre now Lorraine has gone"

Then go home and wonder what you could have done with your life that was more productive.

Saturday, 11 July 2009

Things to do (if you have a job which meets these conditions)

Greetings joggers,

You may have noticed from the title that this article is applicable only to people who have a job which meets certain conditions. To enjoy this article in its entirety, the conditions are outlined below:

First get a job at a factory which produces snack foods. One of the products must be called 'Memories' and should be available in at least these three flavours: savoury, sweet and spicy.

Then, work on the production line doing a reasonable job. Keep doing this until you get a boss called Lorraine.

When you start to work for Lorraine, argue with her at every opportunity.

Make your dislike of Lorraine publicly known.

Do a sub-standard job, yet manage to get a small office with glass sections, one of which you should sit behind.

Send out your sub-standard products to the public, knowing that they will be returned.

When you are summoned to see your boss, refuse to go and wait until she comes to your office.

When she comes to your office, lock the door and wait for her to bang on the window. This must continue until she displays the sub-standard product.

Then, and only then, can you stand up and sing:

"I can't stand Lorraine,
She hits my window,
Bringing back Sweet Memories"

(with apologies to Ann Peebles)

Wednesday, 8 July 2009

Doctor Pon's holiday

Doctor Pon hasn't written anything for ages, because he has been on holiday.
Anyone who thinks Doctor Pon should have written more, because he had a lot of free time, can jog on.
But now Doctor Pon is back with a head full of kraazy ideas, so expect something funny in a few days.
In the meantime, why not tell people to jog on?