Things to do (if you have a job which meets these conditions)

Greetings joggers,

You may have noticed from the title that this article is applicable only to people who have a job which meets certain conditions. To enjoy this article in its entirety, the conditions are outlined below:

First get a job at a factory which produces snack foods. One of the products must be called 'Memories' and should be available in at least these three flavours: savoury, sweet and spicy.

Then, work on the production line doing a reasonable job. Keep doing this until you get a boss called Lorraine.

When you start to work for Lorraine, argue with her at every opportunity.

Make your dislike of Lorraine publicly known.

Do a sub-standard job, yet manage to get a small office with glass sections, one of which you should sit behind.

Send out your sub-standard products to the public, knowing that they will be returned.

When you are summoned to see your boss, refuse to go and wait until she comes to your office.

When she comes to your office, lock the door and wait for her to bang on the window. This must continue until she displays the sub-standard product.

Then, and only then, can you stand up and sing:

"I can't stand Lorraine,
She hits my window,
Bringing back Sweet Memories"


(with apologies to Ann Peebles)