Thursday, 24 November 2011

Doctor Pon's Guide to the Economy - Updated

Doctor Pon got an excellent response to his first guide to the economy, so here it is again, in a slightly different order, with a few new bits added.


There has been a lot of talk about an inescapable world-wide depression lately. It seems a bit unlikely to me. Fair enough, we all get a bit down sometimes, but a world-wide depression? You couldn't make it up! Although, someone obviously has.

Anyway, there has been so much talk of economonys on the news recently, that one excellent blogger has labelled it "economy-porn". Therefore, here are some words you should know:

(the) Eurozone - where Frenchwomen loved to be touched

Double-dip - something to do in the Eurozone

Bounce-back - a last resort activity with a willing Frenchman if there are no willing Frenchwomen available

AAA rating - really soft XXX film

Quantitative easing - the effect a strong cup of coffee has when combined with a fried breakfast and a cigarette

Toxic loans - suppose your mate lends you some money, and you use it to buy a can of Special Brew. That's a toxic loan.

Keynesian endpoint - something he was very proud of

Tax - another word for pins

Debt ceiling - a roof made entirely from things that other people have lent you, and you're obliged to return

Interest rate - giving a grade out of ten for something that you paid attention to, probably on Facebook

Cash cow - the female equivalent of a cheque bull

GDP - Gross domestic products. In the case of Scotland, that's things like haggis and blood pudding.

Greenbacks - A type of frog

Tenner - the highest male voice within the modal register

Stock market - a place to buy OXO cubes

Wall Street - Syntactical error found in essays of students studying English as a Foreign Language. Typical sentence might be "My friends and I kicked a football against the wall street, which had many graffitis on it"

Occupy - Pie made from octopus

Occupi - Circular pie made from octopus

Occupied - Someone who has eaten a pie made from octopus, or a circular pie made from octopus.

Occupy London - Part of a chain of octopus pie shops

Occupy protesters - People against consumption of octopuses in pies

Octopuses - The correct plural of octopus
Ock you, pie! - Angry exclamation made by a Yorkshireman who cannot produce unvoiced labiodental fricatives, shouted at a pie.

Cock-u-pie - 'Specialist' pie which was the inspiration for the film 'American Pie'

Greek crisis - saying 'No, the doctor managed to sort it out with some antibiotics' when your friends from North London ask if you have feta. 

George Osborne -(v) A threat made to small children to make them behave "If you don't tidy your room, I'll George Osborne your pocket money!" ; Friend of Natalie Rowe

If you enjoyed this, why not read it again? Doctor Pon enjoyed it, so he wrote it again.

This is the first in a series of Doctor Pon's Guides.

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