Doctor Pon's guide to being a teacher

Not everyone is a teacher, but everyone is learning.

If you want to be a good teacher, you've got to be able to make crap like that up without a moment's notice.

Doctor Pon can make you a better teacher, if you follow his ten tips:

1) Most kids are annoying, and frequently have snotty noses. Teach adults instead.

2) Noe how too spel.

3) Know your subject. For example, if you don't really understand how punctuation works, you shouldn't teach it. Write a book about how to use punctuation instead.

4) Videos and DVDs are not only good teaching aids, but also allow you to have a snooze for 20 minutes or so while the kids are distracted.

5) Kids will fight. Make it more entertaining by having bets in the staff room about who will fight and when.

6) About 10% of the children you teach will have a genuine interest in learning. Talk to their parents and try to have them moved to a private school.

7) Get a teaching assistant. Let them teach most of the time, but justify it by saying: "It's good for you to experience teaching in a friendly environment before you start out on your own."

8) Be possessive about your coffee cup.

9) Become a lefty. By this, I mean become left-handed, However, you should also have left-wing political views.

10) Count the days until retirement.